"On my last night, before I face judgment and death - can't you please stay awake with me while "I" pray. I don't even ask you to pray, just be awake, keep me company, but you can't do even that." +++
Lord, so very special is the heartbreak of this night. This night more than the public spectacle of your arrest, your trial, your physical tortures, your physical humiliation - - no, this night is the hardest and most blessed for me. The day remaining represents courage and heroism, but this dark night of the soul, represents the state of human pathos. We all die, inside our own skin, isolated even if surrounded by those who love us. We die alone. Yet, the decisions made by a human (not made by a God) but a human, who could have saved his own skin, yet he remained in the Garden, knowing the Temple Guard was headed his way and torture and death was the ONLY possible outcome.
This night, did you hate Judas? No you didn't. You grieved more for Judas than for the eleven sleeping a hundred feet away from you. You laughed and joke with Judas, you traveled together for three years. You saw his passion and his nationalistic pride, burning to throw off the Romans yoke. No you loved Judas, like you love every person in all of time that has, like me, betrayed you. I can't imagine the human psychic weight of that supper. The banter, the food, and Judas' eyes dancing, while Your heart was breaking.
This night, this supper, you are speaking to your closest friends and they are listening with near total non-comprehension. (As so many still can't hear it.) “Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me. This cup is the new testament in my blood: ( IN MY BLOOD) this do ye, as oft as ye drink it, in remembrance of me.”
Oh Precious ONE, the being by whom all things were made; Who came to his own but his own did not recognize Him. He, who places life in every cell, and truth be told, life in every atom; Who places the light in every man's eye coming into this world . . . That light a living soul, created in a mystery we cannot comprehend, in YOUR image and likeness - though sin has stolen the likeness, still that soul filled with cognition (self awareness) is by YOUR power, and YOUR power alone, conscious.
Oh Precious ONE, through the immense power of love we cannot define, though we experience, IF we are truly blessed, tiny sparks of it which almost destroy us, which always fundamentally change us, yet, those sparks, so painful and so wonderful, may be contained in our hearts of flesh - but would shatter and destroy a heart of stone. “one of Thy deep, piercing rays shone into my heart; it became luminous, full of light like iron glowing in the furnace . . .”
So here I sit on this night, that spark aglow, would that we were able, would that we could reach through time and touch the humanity you took to yourself, which in such TRUTH of human nature recoiled in fear in the wee hours of THIS night. Oh IKON of humility, and eternal LOVE, who weeping tears and sweating blood, took control of that human self, steadied your nerves, and from your gut came the words, "Nevertheless, Father, Not MY will, but Thy Will Be Done."
I just took a breath, and without YOU even that simple act would be impossible. I glance at the olive oil lamp I am burning as I sit up with YOU this night, and that act would be impossible without YOU. I am sometimes so weak that if I eat lunch, I cannot manage the leisurely afternoon without a nap. I put on a video, intending to listen to a lecture and awaken realizing that I missed the last thirty minutes.
So here I sit on this night, that spark aglow, would that we were able, would that we could reach through time and touch the humanity you took to yourself, which in such TRUTH of human nature recoiled in fear in the wee hours of THIS night. Oh IKON of humility, and eternal LOVE, who weeping tears and sweating blood, took control of that human self, steadied your nerves, and from your gut came the words, "Nevertheless, Father, Not MY will, but Thy Will Be Done."
I just took a breath, and without YOU even that simple act would be impossible. I glance at the olive oil lamp I am burning as I sit up with YOU this night, and that act would be impossible without YOU. I am sometimes so weak that if I eat lunch, I cannot manage the leisurely afternoon without a nap. I put on a video, intending to listen to a lecture and awaken realizing that I missed the last thirty minutes.
Precious ONE, why would YOU choose to take upon yourself the weak human flesh bound by death, certain to die? Why Lord? I am without a clue.
I know you, because you have lived in my heart and endured my sorted and sinful life, via the presence of Your Holy Spirit from a very, very young age. Yet, the more I Know you, the greater mystery you become. For the turtle, the horizon is across the pond, his “universe is simple.” And that is what the babe is Christ sees, merely the pond where it sits and muddies the waters. Sadly, many Christians remain infants, as you well know. But grace and communion cause the soul to climb out of the mud, and YOU, Precious ONE, who is always speaking just over the horizon recede into the distance, the higher we climb, the farther the horizon. Upon the mountain YOU are hundreds of miles away. Every step up the mountain is intimacy with YOU. Yet, in a mystery incomprehensible the more I KNOW YOU, the greater mystery shrouds YOU.
I see your Might. (Hard to imagine that the concept of the power of the Universe could be symbolized in a single syllable "might.") I see the universe and know it is a mere single thought, expressed in WORD, and BREATH, that courses through my body. So removed from my existence is such a being, I cannot comprehend why You condescended to take upon yourself human nature like mine? Does a KING burrow in the earth like a worm, more as a worm, more as an actual worm, with the nature of a worm? Yet, that is the message. THAT is the point - YOU created us higher than the angels. Something in us is valuable. What? We Do Not KNOW! But, something in us is worth healing and restoring, rescuing, saving!
I know you, because you have lived in my heart and endured my sorted and sinful life, via the presence of Your Holy Spirit from a very, very young age. Yet, the more I Know you, the greater mystery you become. For the turtle, the horizon is across the pond, his “universe is simple.” And that is what the babe is Christ sees, merely the pond where it sits and muddies the waters. Sadly, many Christians remain infants, as you well know. But grace and communion cause the soul to climb out of the mud, and YOU, Precious ONE, who is always speaking just over the horizon recede into the distance, the higher we climb, the farther the horizon. Upon the mountain YOU are hundreds of miles away. Every step up the mountain is intimacy with YOU. Yet, in a mystery incomprehensible the more I KNOW YOU, the greater mystery shrouds YOU.
I see your Might. (Hard to imagine that the concept of the power of the Universe could be symbolized in a single syllable "might.") I see the universe and know it is a mere single thought, expressed in WORD, and BREATH, that courses through my body. So removed from my existence is such a being, I cannot comprehend why You condescended to take upon yourself human nature like mine? Does a KING burrow in the earth like a worm, more as a worm, more as an actual worm, with the nature of a worm? Yet, that is the message. THAT is the point - YOU created us higher than the angels. Something in us is valuable. What? We Do Not KNOW! But, something in us is worth healing and restoring, rescuing, saving!
I know YOU, and I know just the thought of my favorite elder brother languishing in the garden alone, not a single faithful friend capable of sharing the fear you experience this night to the point of sweating blood, offends me. Yet, what a hypocrite am I!
How silly my efforts at discipline are by comparison! Skip a couple meals. So what! Would I stand in Truth, in LIFE, were the prospects so fearful that the discipline needed to harness my weak humanity caused me to SWEAT BLOOD? I can't even stay awake for more than three chapters of reading, or forty minutes of a lecture. Like Peter I say, in my weakness and failure, “Yes, Lord, you know my heart. You know I love you.” But like Peter, this night, I'm sleeping.
I have slept most of my life! Lord, Awaken ME! Lord, Awaken ME!
I remember when I first ran across that line, “I have seen my brother in his coffin without grace or beauty, what more can I expect.” I've seen two brothers, both precious, precious people resting with the theatrical pretense in which we cosmetically cover death in money, and even then the grief of it was too much to bear. Yet, the dates of their deaths pass and I remember with fondness all the things I miss without them. But this night Lord, THIS night I grieve. I read those words again, “And He was withdrawn from them about a stone's throw, and He knelt down and prayed, saying, "Father, if You will, remove this cup from Me--nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done." Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in agony . . .”
There that is the line – And being in agony . . . . . How could the heart and soul of all that IS chose to suffer agony? Why? If I say . . .listen carefully . . . If I say, “I am not worth it.” I make of my Savior a mere fool, passionately seeking the restoration of something whose value is a fantasy. I make of my Savior a deluded creature, living out some drama for fools.
But here is the truth of it and what Christianity teaches. If I, or you, just YOU, were the only person on earth, doomed to death via sin, HE would have come and suffered all the same, JUST FOR YOU. And for YOU, just YOU, “He prayed more fervently. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down onto the ground.”
And so sealed his isolated struggle, “And rising up from prayer, coming to the disciples, He found them sleeping from sorrow. Then He said to them, "Why do you sleep? Rise up and pray, lest you enter into temptation." And while He was still speaking, behold, a crowd; and he who was called Judas, one of the twelve, was going before them and drew near to Jesus to kiss Him. But Jesus said to him, "Judas, do you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?"
Do I Lord, betray the Son of Man with these tears? A language quakes in my bones unutterable by human tongue, a thankfulness so profound no words can speak it, no act purchase it, no mere human intellect understand it. So, once again, on Maundy Thursday I am done in! I know my flesh rests in the cold courtyard huddled by the fire with Simon Peter, surrounded by murderous pagans, quaking in fear and shivering in discomfort.
“I was born a weak, defenseless child, but Thine angel spread his wings over my cradle to defend me.” The first time I sang that sentence it crushed my heart, thinking about the reality of it. But on this night I considered that YOU O Precious ONE, YOU were born a weak, defenseless child!!! YOU were born a weak defenseless child. YOU CHOSE to be born a weak defenseless child. And on this night you chose to be a defenseless lover of all mankind, so that when Simon chopped off the ear of the soldier you stopped him and healed Malchus' ear. You Lord, chose to be defenseless, and it took discipline strong enough to over come fear that sweat blood!
Everything that happened after THIS night was created and sustained by THIS night. Lord, strengthen us all for the dark night of the soul, send us your ministering angels.
While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled. And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves. I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth. Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me. Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world. O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee, and these have known that thou hast sent me. And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them."
And so sealed his isolated struggle, “And rising up from prayer, coming to the disciples, He found them sleeping from sorrow. Then He said to them, "Why do you sleep? Rise up and pray, lest you enter into temptation." And while He was still speaking, behold, a crowd; and he who was called Judas, one of the twelve, was going before them and drew near to Jesus to kiss Him. But Jesus said to him, "Judas, do you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?"
Do I Lord, betray the Son of Man with these tears? A language quakes in my bones unutterable by human tongue, a thankfulness so profound no words can speak it, no act purchase it, no mere human intellect understand it. So, once again, on Maundy Thursday I am done in! I know my flesh rests in the cold courtyard huddled by the fire with Simon Peter, surrounded by murderous pagans, quaking in fear and shivering in discomfort.
“I was born a weak, defenseless child, but Thine angel spread his wings over my cradle to defend me.” The first time I sang that sentence it crushed my heart, thinking about the reality of it. But on this night I considered that YOU O Precious ONE, YOU were born a weak, defenseless child!!! YOU were born a weak defenseless child. YOU CHOSE to be born a weak defenseless child. And on this night you chose to be a defenseless lover of all mankind, so that when Simon chopped off the ear of the soldier you stopped him and healed Malchus' ear. You Lord, chose to be defenseless, and it took discipline strong enough to over come fear that sweat blood!
Everything that happened after THIS night was created and sustained by THIS night. Lord, strengthen us all for the dark night of the soul, send us your ministering angels.
Jesus' Prayer In the Garden:
Father, the hour is come; glorify thy Son, that thy Son also may glorify thee: As thou hast given him power over all flesh, that he should give eternal life to as many as thou hast given him. And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent. I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do. And now, O Father, glorify thou me with thine own self with the glory which I had with thee before the world was. I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word. Now they have known that all things whatsoever thou hast given me are of thee. For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me. I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine. And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them. And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are. While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled. And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves. I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth. Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me. Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world. O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee, and these have known that thou hast sent me. And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them."
No comments:
Post a Comment